“What’s up?”

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Well, that’s certainly a loaded question. I remember when I’d casually ask that question without any second thoughts to old neighborhood friends. I was a kid in Naples, Italy  and I lived just a skateboard ride away from my friends’ apartments. They’d usually tell me “We’re going to go play a game of pick up basketball. Want to join?” In response, I’d gleefully respond “Yes!”

Nowadays when I ask this question the usual response is “Nothing much.” In response (now), I ask “Yeah same here.” And deep down, I know that the only person that I am bullshittingis myself.  What is nothing much? Is it a self-defense mechanism to express the modesty of a pretty awesome life? Asides from being pretty deaf in my right ear, having to commute an hour everyday to school, and living in many places throughout my entire life; there’s more to that nothing much. In fact, it’s awesome to know that I can mute out most of the bullshit that happens on my right side. An hour on the train gives me time to read and wonder what other people are thinking. Not living in one place helps me not to get too attached to an environment that perpetuates natural change. 

The only realization that I keep having as I keep growing up is knowing that things are far away. Friends, family, and life. Perhaps, that’s why the meaning is tough to find. It’s too far away to reach. For now, I’ll crawl my way to it if I have to.

As an act of posting this, I must warn you, all of this is a figment of imagination and nonfiction. My life is filled with both real and unreal moments. What’s more real than knowing you’re broke as a college student? What’s more unreal than losing your mind in the woods after a day trip? My life is filled with shades of gray, not because I am sad or depressed, but because there are inexplicable things that happen. So I’ll just sithere with my feet in the stream trying to claw at whatever the hell this means. Keep in mind, I’m neither right nor wrong.

This is my only way to humanize such an experience and enjoy the ride.

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